judahsbasecamp

mittens, scarves, coats, and lots of coffee.
cant wait for summer in the city. now.

Settle my soul.
These are the two words you have given me to pray.
Father settle my soul.

ummm yes... how satisfying and charming that sounds.

I am hyped up and the devil doesnt want me to claim down and listen to the words that are most important to my sanity.
slow down... and listen.
I have missed you.
Clearity from heaven is the best clearity and brings seas of peace that no human could ever give me with their words or touch.

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all of this pain on the left side of my body. I must have bad left side body karma today.

Life has been very enjoyable. I feel as though I have space to breath a moment and time to cultivate some really great thoughts. It s a sad situation when your life is consumed or run by the thought I have to work because that’s my duty or obligation. Instead of actual enjoyment being had from the work. I am just happy to no longer be employed by Nordstrom any more. I was thinking about it today I have come to the conclusion that I don’t ever want to go back. All it did was get me addicted to the money which it made me think that I needed. I never need that much of an income. Nor did I ever need the hours that they made me work . I played along with the game because that what I thought I was suppose to do. I was suppose to make lots of money. 

I really want to purge everything that I own right now. I was walking though the shopping mall on Monday and it made me want to vomit. Just atmosphere recreated the feelings of emptiness that Nordstrom had ingrained within my soul. The zombie like state that all the sales reps. had painted on their face it could not be hidden. Even with there overly high pitched question " HI" How are you doing? Do you need any help?" When denied them there zombie food of a sale they go back into there trans like state blank face syndrome, arms to the side, or folding some shirt on some table that doesn’t really needed to be touched. Then a fresh blood will walk by and trigger their talk time censor and they will say the same line they just said to me... and then upon rejection go back to sad faces. RUN AWAY I scream within my left side of my brain. So I did I couldn’t stay in the concrete hell for much longer. I found my way back to my car rummaged for my keys and drove myself back home to my books and my camera. 

My days have been unpredictable. Mostly taking to invest and spend time with some good company or riding my bike. I know that I am in a very vacation period of my life. I wont lie the last 3 weeks of my life I have been quite the bum, but with in those hours or what might consider unproductive. Have really some really shining moments of refocus and new vision. I needed a break because I was about to have melt down. I just couldn’t possible keep going. I felt constantly on edge and ready to snap. I didn’t like how I talked to people or how I didn’t have time for them as well. When I was don punching the time card all I wanted to do was be a propelled into the night and become a hyper socializer. I only have 4 hours to spend with you so give me the run of the mill how you are doing amongst the flashy lights and blasting music. I never really enjoyed your or your thoughts or listen to how you hurt. Honestly I didn’t really have the mental time or emotional strength when my own shit was in shambles. I am sorry. 

I am making some new life goals. I have big plans. - I am taking a month long leave of absence from vices. I need not to list them all but alcohol will be number one.
- I am taking the train up to Portland in January with Danny. 
-I want to make it a priority to spend time with family and friends. 
-I want to stop being wasteful. I am so wasteful with my time and money. I spend my money on unnecessary things like food or booze or entertaining myself. I want to get back to some solid good clean cheap fun that I used to roll around in when I was a kid. Board games, draw squad time, movie nights, night missions like hide and go seek, capture the flag, cooking for a group of friends
-Read lots of books.
-Be super at school and invest my self in my studies. 
- Invest in my friends and in my church. 
That’s all I can come up with right now I will post more if it comes to me......